Listening to: FNAF parodies
Reading: The Chronicles of Amber
Watching: endless FNAF videos
Playing: with my roommate playing FNAF
Eating: ants on a log
Drinking: Dr Pepper
Wow. Been two years almost since I last wrote a journal entry. Well I guess that's something I'm fixing to discuss. More or less sort of...
So there hasn't been much going on artwise. Part of it's been lack of time. I've moved probably six times in the last few years, changed jobs, moved halfway across the state and therefore finally leaving my hometown, been trying to get back in shape, lost a lot of friends, gained better ones, watched one of my roommates go to the hospital a handful of times, gotten smashed and played video games a lot, watched other people play video games, emotional support, epic battles with horrible monsters such as waspsquitoes not even joking, hit a fucking deer and then a ditch and miraculously survived thanks to my new guardian angel but wrecked my car and now spend hours a day riding the bus, meteor showers, playing games with ghosts, dealing with relatives from hell, studying to be a medical transcriptionist, been at a crossroad where I'm not sure if I even want to pursue that career or keep my current job as a security camera watcher and forgot most of what I studied, decided to continue and had to restudy everything, discovering I might have ADHD, limited attention span, trying to figure out my own head, trying to make ends meet, lending money and games to people and worrying that I may not get them back, still not getting them back, obsessing over Five Nights At Freddy's and Night Terror, fangirling over it with my new friends, one roommate going into the nursing home, stressing over trying to get a new place before I wind up becoming homeless, having to report identity theft because all of a sudden my safe box is unlocked and my SSN card is missing, falling prey to the bad influences my parents tried to warn me against and loving every moment of it (kids that doesn't mean you should do the same. I'm a bad influence now. Don't do what I do. I say that as if that's changed at all. XD), finally feeling alive again, no longer getting suicidal urges, running from demons, finding a romance that kind of works for me, getting my life together piece by piece, existential crisis, you get the picture. I've been distracted. Thoroughly. By lots of life.
Part of it's been lack of inspiration or even time to think about drawing or creating stories. If you need further explanation, please think about what is wrong with that, re-evaluate you life, and re-read the first paragraph until you get it. Obviously you don't get it yet. I'll wait. *waits for a few hours* Everyone caught up? Yay. Onward!
Part of it's been my laptop. The hinges are still broken and therefore I feel weird about using it too much. There's a wire sticking out of it that I don't know what it's too. Every time I work on something I risk breaking it further. I don't make a lot of money. I'm lucky if I get to buy a hot dog right now. And frankly, my car comes before the laptop or anything else but getting a new place. I've gotta get a battery for it, get an air compressor because one of my neighbors keeps letting the air out of my tires, all the lights are missing or broken, the bumper needs replacing, fenders need either pounding out or replacing, I need to get insurance because one of my roommates talked me unto dropping mine so she could put it on hers but then she left before doing so, I still need an inspection and tags. So yeah the laptop getting fixed is a ways off.
But I think the biggest problem is that art-wise I took on more than I could handle. I started taking requests that got bigger and bigger and involved content I wasn't really as up to drawing as I thought I would be, and it got to be where I got this mindset that I couldn't with a clear conscience work on anything else until I finished what I had promised. Before I knew it I got cornered by promises I couldn't keep. When I took on the requests I fully expected to do them but then wound up losing all inspiration and suddenly art felt more like a chore than a hobby.
So I'm dropping all requests. I'm cleaning the slate and making room for art I actually want to do. Who knows, maybe I'll wind up actually getting inspired to finish these requests after all. Or maybe the opposite will happen and I'll still not feel much like drawing. This whole journal may be completely pointless. But a friend is encouraging me to draw again and this is the biggest elephant in the room.
I'm sorry if this upsets anyone, ruins someone's day, let's someone down after months and months of sitting on the edge of their seat, checking DA and waiting for a post of that picture they requested what feels like an eternity ago. If it's any consolation I really did try to put you first, but that's what got me into this mess. And I'm tired of being in this mess. I need out of it. I at least need this off my conscience.
So I guess hopefully there will actually be activity here again. And when I finally figure out how to use tumblr I'll be posting there too. So far all I've really done with it is looking at other people's stuff. Only just figured out reblogging a few days ago.